You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
