Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
