literally had 100 drinks last night.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
