It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
