For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
