no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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