Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
