remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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