I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
