you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
