I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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