we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
