I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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