My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
