Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
