I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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