I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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