Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
