I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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