my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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