His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize