he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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