I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
