Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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