I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
