2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
