my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
