so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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