if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
