I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
