just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So vagazzling was a success
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
