A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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