omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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