Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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