Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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