it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize