So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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