went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
