You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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