you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
