Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
