Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
