I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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