sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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