she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize