i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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