I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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