I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If I die, sorry about rent.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
