Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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