i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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