If that was your dad, he is hot
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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