I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
