It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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