I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you will always have a special place in my vag
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
