I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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