...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
