You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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