so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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