giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
