im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So gin and wine won't be happening again
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
