I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
