Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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