I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
