Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize