I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
