I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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