Define "chronic" masturbator.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
