I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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