Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You smell like stripper and shame
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize