ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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