So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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