is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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