What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
