So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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