So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
