I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I bet he comes in French.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
3pm strippers are depressing
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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