Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
