yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
