Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
