OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
