i permit you to call me
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
