On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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