I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
