So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
