There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize