guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
