i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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